end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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