I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
