Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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