foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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