Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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