Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize