also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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