My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
