so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
