dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
