She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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