I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
