Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
