I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
