I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
