I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
