Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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