Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
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Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We left an ass print on the piano.
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I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize