mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
oh god the rape fog is back!
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
