You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
