well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
