Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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