Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
