Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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