but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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