Even the bartender felt bad for me
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
