It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
