I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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