i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You may now shotgun with the bride
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
