Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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