It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
