so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
