Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
