My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
