my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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