I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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