FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
our cab driver is having phone sex.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
