I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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