Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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