Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
