wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
