you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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