I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
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can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
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Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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