yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We don't watch enough power rangers
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
