Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
