the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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