after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
my poor anus
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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