The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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