Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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