is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
