he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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