My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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