I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
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You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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