The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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