you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
