i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
