i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
