the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
