I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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