My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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