why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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